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Idiot Wind 05 by JonathanWyke Idiot Wind 05 by JonathanWyke
Idiot Wind, page five.

I'm still pottering away on this, and have now reached page 5.

What I've tried to do here is to show the female lead's emotional - and physical - movement away as the page develops, going from close-up to further away with her back turned as she leaves. Hopefully that works, but please shout out if you think it's too clumsy.

Once again, no text adds yet. I'll be (probably) adding it all in once I've done the first ten pages or so.



Idiot Wind is 2011 Jonathan Wyke

Pencil + Hand / Illustrator + Mouse / Photoshop + Wacom
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:icondavidyardin:
Stylistically I like your page. I also like your layout, it has a good flow, and leads the eye nicely through the page. My main problem with your page though, is that it is hard to follow who is who; there is no immediate visual recognition of the characters in each panel for a number of reasons.

Firstly you have grey rendering on the man in panel one, but none on the woman, but then in panel two you do the exact opposite. This confuses the reader, especially since you also dramatically change the angle the characters are viewed from.

Also because you only show the woman's back in panel three, and because her hair is now tied back, this further confuses her identity.

The lack of backgrounds throughout the page, while aesthetically pleasing, obviously hinders you being able to further establish who is who in each panel.

I would suggest toning the figures consistently throughout the page, and in panel three either have the woman tying back her hair, or have hair the same as in the other panels. Maybe also zoom out a bit in panel three, and show a bit more background in that panel. I'm not sure what you have established background-wise in the preceeding pages, but if you can tie it back to something you've already established, that would work a lot better in terms of your storytelling.
What do you think?
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:icondylanio21:
Dylanio21 Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Professional Traditional Artist
Looks outta this world.
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:iconjonathanwyke:
JonathanWyke Featured By Owner May 31, 2011   General Artist
Thanks very much!
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:icondylanio21:
Dylanio21 Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Professional Traditional Artist
You're welcome very much!
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:iconjoeyv7:
joeyv7 Featured By Owner May 31, 2011
Nice sense of isolation and pacing :)
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:iconjonathanwyke:
JonathanWyke Featured By Owner May 31, 2011   General Artist
Thanks very much :)
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:iconcsyeung:
Csyeung Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Professional Traditional Artist
Whoa you got David to critique your work. Cool stuff! I kinda agree with his critique though, I think the simplicity of your backgrounds tend to confuse some of the storytelling. I, like Ian, thought that was an empty panel. If it's a door, I would suggest indicating part of the doorknob and/or part of of the door hinge at an angle. The panel borders will still have a tendancy to break it into a panel. Another suggestion is also push the wall/door perspective back into the picture so that you can see the perspective lines within the panel (the Y so to speak) so that the lines of the opening is not perpendicular to the panel frame.
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:iconjonathanwyke:
JonathanWyke Featured By Owner May 31, 2011   General Artist
I know, I almost pee'd my pants!

You're right - along with perhaps everyone in the universe except me when drawing it - about panel 3. I'd like to think I was so caught up in zooming in and out that I simply missed it, but that's not true. I thought it was a good idea at the time... Still, we learn by our mistakes :)
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:iconcric:
cric Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
the pages feels so real, man, do you used reference on drawing those? looks very cool :la:
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:iconjonathanwyke:
JonathanWyke Featured By Owner May 31, 2011   General Artist
Cheers. For these I use a mixture of refs: inside my head, a mirror, some life drawing and some photo-refs for the tricky bits. Whatever's needed really...
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:iconcric:
cric Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
nice man, you realy got the realistic touch there :iconclonelaplz:
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:iconcropcircledesigner:
Cropcircledesigner Featured By Owner May 31, 2011
While a lot of time passes between panels I really like the layout and think you did show that movement you intended to show, nice work! I especially like your use of solid black.
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:iconjonathanwyke:
JonathanWyke Featured By Owner May 31, 2011   General Artist
Thanks very much :) It's a little choppy time-wise I think, but the strip's getting better art-wise I hope!
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:iconianstruckhoff:
IanStruckhoff Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Professional General Artist
The pacing on this strikes me as fairly widely spaced. Each moment is connected to the previous, but the distance travelled is fairly far. I'm not sure if that is what you intended. A couple of thoughts. 1.) Dialogue will tie the panels together, helping them flow together. 2.) You can show more intimacy if you stop and show two moments closer together.
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:iconjonathanwyke:
JonathanWyke Featured By Owner May 31, 2011   General Artist
Thanks for the comments Ian :)

My plan was that the sex between the two - squandering two whole pages - would pace slower that her abrupt leaving, and that the tonal shift from them (sex) to him, to finally her would show the shift in focus. Looking back, I think perhaps I was trying to be too subtle with the tones, and too crappy with the sequential narrative. Still, if I don't try, I don't learn!

I really am aware that asking for comments on these non-lettered pages is pushing it a bit, and I really do appreciate the feedback mate, cheers!
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:iconianstruckhoff:
IanStruckhoff Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Professional General Artist
That makes sense. I had the thought that the distance in the pacing was part of the overall mood, especially in the context of surrounding pages. I do think a small moment early on on this page (her hand on his back, lifting away or touching lightly for instance) would make the scene feel "closer" at first. However, I'm not sure what you have planned for the blank panel.
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:iconjonathanwyke:
JonathanWyke Featured By Owner May 31, 2011   General Artist
I have nothing planned for that panel. This is a 3 panel page. It is space. mmmmmmm... white space...

I don't think it reads right, but I really wanted it to be a view through a doorway to her as she's dressing - one more level of separation, but I've lost something in my zooming in and out in Illustrator. I think my problem now, for all these IW pages, is do I keep going back into them, aiming for as near to perfect as I can, or do I crank them out until I have a large enough run that I feel OK with starting to letter them?
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:iconianstruckhoff:
IanStruckhoff Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Professional General Artist
You have to be sparing with empty panels. On the other hand, if there's no border, white space can have a lot of impact on the layout and emotion of a page.
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:iconjonathanwyke:
JonathanWyke Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2011   General Artist
I am now planning to use that white space for the title and credits.
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:iconianstruckhoff:
IanStruckhoff Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2011  Professional General Artist
Good idea!
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:iconbluddyfig:
bluddyfig Featured By Owner May 30, 2011
If I had to make a comment it would be on the last shot. it seems she's just as large in frame four as in frame two so to emphasize the leaving I would just shrink what you have in the last frame and fill in around it appropriately. that way as she's leaving you actually see more of her body but it's out of reach. anyway, your style has always had the "that's cool" effect with me.
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:iconjonathanwyke:
JonathanWyke Featured By Owner May 31, 2011   General Artist
You could well be right about the last panel. I've zoomed in and out on it a few times - all hail to Illustrator - and my thoughts are that I want the blank space on the left of the panel, but zooming out more I think leaves too much there. I may do an alternative version and upload it to see... Thanks very much for the feedback!
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:iconbluddyfig:
bluddyfig Featured By Owner May 31, 2011
no problem. it's not as if I have any real clear idea about this stuff anyhoo. I'm just an amateur aspiring to professionalism. I'm impressed david Yardin did a full on critique of it. that's awesome!
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